Email: An Unpredictable Form of Communication

What I love most about the written word is that it is almost entirely subjectively interpreted.

What I hate most about the written word is that it is almost entirely subjectively interpreted.

Some of you may have seen the article I cross-posted on my Facebook profile (which all the hipsters now refer to as "timeline").  The article was about the bankruptcy of the US Postal Service.  "Snail Mail" is going out of style.  Unfortunately for me, it is something I love dearly and is close to my heart.

This love for sending and receiving mail was largely imparted me by my mother.  As children we never received a gift without sending a thank you note.  We also were expected to regularly write letters to friends that moved away or family that didn't live nearby.  I have to admit that I didn't always love writing letters, especially thank you notes.  A kid can always find more exciting things to do than pen a letter, but it grew on me, and it is something I still value, and you can bet my kids - should there be any - will be held to the same standard my mother held us to.  

My freshman year of college, my mom averaged a card a week to me.  Sometimes these cards held newspaper clippings, pictures from home, recipes she found interesting, sonic gift cards, and almost always a bit of money.  She kept this up the other three years, even if the average was more monthly than weekly, and that I suspect is largely due to the fact that from my sophomore year on, she had both my sister and I to write.  Never did she miss a holiday opportunity to send the most ridiculously lavish boxes.  My sister and became infamous with the university mail room (not to mention our friends!) for receiving these gigantic boxes filled with goodies.  They were full to the brim with love.

But back to my point.... Email just has no personality.  I don't care how many smiley faces and emoticons you throw in there, it will never equate a handwritten letter.  Besides that, people are lazy with email construction: abbreviated words and misspellings run rampant, and who cares about proper sentence structure!  And all these shortcuts are necessary when typing already cuts writing time at least in half?

However, laziness aside, my real issue with email is that tone, meaning, and intention are so easily misinterpreted.  In fact, especially in the work place, but also amongst friends, I sense that we are almost looking to misinterpret the content and have something to throw our hands up in the air over.  Electronic messages have made it easy for us to be snarky without having to do it to someone's face.  It's so simple to ping back a reply or text with evil intent when there aren't immediate consequences.  And I'm not being accusatory here, as I am every bit as guilty as the next person.

I am endlessly surprised that people choose to deal with conflict through an email - rather than addressing the person IN person.  Are we so afraid of confrontation that we choose a cowards way out?  For that is what this is... cowardly.  To not be able to say those very same words to someone's face is just cowardice.  I suppose you could make the same argument about a letter.  Sure, you can write really hurtful things in a letter.  I've been a recipient of letters that would probably fall into this category.  However, when you are writing something by hand you usually have to think about what it is that you are saying.  It's really simple for me to type something ugly and erase it if I change my mind, but before you write something in ink, you stop and consider things like word placement, commas, and what you are trying to say.  I fully believe that if you are taking the time to write and mail something, more than likely you have good intentions about it since you're making a little bit more of an effort.

Now, there is a time and a place for an email, just don't let it replace personal correspondence, either face-to-face or by mail.  Don't let the ease of it keep you from making the effort to write down a note and stick it in the mail.  And don't use it as a crutch when you've got some dirty work to do.

Now let me introduce you to two of my friends: Pen, meet Paper.  

Y'all will get along great.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

Happy 5th Day of the New Year.... to all FIVE of my readers.

My title today is a lyric from the Death Cab song "The New Year."  The rest of the words are sort of depressing, and I do not intend for this post to be at all depressing, so I'm only posting part of the song.

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back.
So this is the new year.

SO.  This is the NEW YEAR.  These are my thought on the New Year: 2012.

We have already established how much I love a new year.  I started a new journal last night and I was so irritated I didn't have it with me on our trip to Arkansas, therefore making it impossible to begin the new journal on January 1st, that I dedicated the first whole paragraph to that very complaint.  I like things to start at the beginning (it's the Aristotle in me...).  I like them to have direction (plot), and conflict (climax), and certainly I like a good resolution (conclusion).  Preferably, one that provides hope... but that's just my preference.

I just related my whole year to a play.  You will never suck the drama out of me.  

Joyce, I hope you're reading this.

my new 2012 set of journals from rifle paper co.

 

This appears to be a year of travel.  And so "travel" is this year's plot.  In looking ahead, even if all these trips don't pan out, we are planning on a lot of travel: to familiar places, memorable places, new places, and exciting places!  Best of all are the reasons for such travel: friends getting married, honeymoons (finally) being taken, family moving to new locations.  And then, of course, there is the symbolic travel, the travel we do in our daily lives.  The growth we have, the obstacles we face, the decisions we make, and the journey to which all those things amount.  I just have an extra-special feeling about the personal travel we'll be making this year.  

Travel has often been used as an analogy in relation to life.  We are in constant motion.  We move from one place to another.  We travel from babyhood, to adulthood, to what I like to call "ancienthood."  It is all a beautiful and exciting journey, if you make it so, and some journeys last longer than others or take you much farther distances.  But if we face all things in life with the thought that no distance can hold us back, how far can we really go?

My conflict would be this: I've spent these last five years since graduating college being mostly afraid of the distance to whatever is next for me.  It's easier to have dreams than to follow those dreams.  I don't want to do that anymore.  By the way... FIVE YEARS?  wtf.  Where has that time gone? In my head I've been considering them "the lost years," but I think publicly I'll refer to the as "the gap."  It's just taken me a while to realize that as sentimental as I am and as much as I love  reminiscing, I don't want to reach ancienthood only to realize that looking backward is all that I did.  

So this year I plan to use the this lyric as my mantra.  

I still haven't made up my mind, sorry.  I'm sure all five of you were reading this with bated breath expecting an awe-inspiring announcement about what my next career venture will be (oh, the ongoing saga).  I don't have it, because I don't know.  All I do know is that this is a year of travel for me.  I only hope to go places I have never gone, meet new faces and call them friends, revisit old friendships in new places, and let no distance hold me back.  And as with all plays, one can't know the resolution until one has reached the conclusion.

It's A New Year

Happy 2012!!!

I shamelessly stole this verbatim from a fellow blogger, Mary (of this blog).  Before I write my more personal commentary on the new year (never fear... it's in the works!) I thought this was a wonderful tradition to start.  Every year Mary fills out this same survey to remember key dates, memories, and events that have taken place.  I thought, "How fun it must be to go back and read these from years before!"  And I stole it.  Clearly, starting out the New Year on a note of pure originality . . .

I hope I remember to do it in 2013.   (Thanks, Mary! -- if you read this...)


1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Planned a wedding, said "I Do," rented a house, sent a Holiday Card out.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year.  I probably won't make or keep any this year.  However, here are some goals I have...

1. Buy local, Cook more, Eat better.
2. Save money instead of Spending money.
3.  Study a foreign language.
4. Watch less TV/movies and Read more books.
5. Regain active lifestyle and be dedicated about strength training.
6. Journal more.
7. Plan honeymoon trip to Greece and actually Go.
8. Finish furnishing our guest room and then keep it consistently full of guests!
9. Try new things instead of falling into habits.
10. Laugh more, Stay positive, Stop calling myself "old."


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.  But my sister is pregnant with the first grand-baby in our family!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sadly, none.  But we had such an awesome trip to South Africa in 2010, that will tide us over until Greece.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Financial security. Jobs we love. More good friends in Austin.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 20 -- our wedding anniversary.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Gettin' Married!

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't believe in "failure" . . .  I made a lot of mistakes, namely: living beyond our means, worrying about stupid things, not compromising when I should.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really! Yay us!


11. What was the best thing you bought?
$40 butcher block for our kitchen. A great piece at an unbeatable price.  And we use it every day.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
Mr. Dog.  He has been such a good dog this year, through many stressful times and lots of big changes.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Members of my extended family around the time of our wedding.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Living in a house at $1500 a month while unemployed.  That will do it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My internship with CLINK Events.  Starting life in Austin. Marriage (broken record...).

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? 
"Home" by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. happier or sadder? 
Happier, mostly because I'm less stressed out!

II. thinner or fatter? 
About the same, but fatter than I should be.

III. richer or poorer? 
Perhaps poorer in nearby friends, but richer in other things.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Worked out, journaled, studied, completed projects.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Felt sorry for myself, worried, watched TV/Netflix, argued with my husband.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family in New Braunfels and Gonzales.  With Susanna and Nathan getting married and Margaret announcing "it's a boy," it was an eventful one.  Karen and Catherine came and we had a wonderful visit.  I love that we are all still close cousins.

21. Who had the biggest influence on your life in 2011?
Eeek.  Probably Danielle Goates (of this blog).

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No... Just sealed the deal.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Friday Night Lights.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Michelle Bachmann?

26. What was the best book you read?
The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Civil Wars.

28. What did you want and get?
A home to make our own. And a yard for Oscar.

29. What did you want and not get?
A really good job, money into savings, a decision about graduate school, 20 lbs lighter.

30. Best movies this year?
The King's Speech.  Technically released December 2010, but close enough... I saw it in 2011.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I have RACKED my brain and still am not positive what I did for my 26th birthday.  I'm pretty sure Tim took me to the Gristmill for dinner and then to see Water for Elephants, which was mediocre.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Deciding on a career.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
JCREW (simple, classy, sophisticated) with a hint of Western.

34. What kept you sane?
Pinterest.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I am fascinated by very few celebrities, but The Royal Family, particularly Kate Middleton, receives a lot of my attention.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ramping up to Election year... Ron Paul.  I'm more excited about him as a presidential candidate than I have been about any other in my lifetime.  Also, the Royal Wedding.

37. Who did you miss?
Anne Winters, DC friends, Sooz and Nate in Santa Fe, and every other friend who lives just out of reach of "daily friendship" status.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Chelsea Altgelt - the best Bride ever!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
Marriage is work, but rewarding.  Try to be happy with what you have, rather than focused on what you don't, and you'll be more content in the long run.  Even if you're not "doing anything" with your life -- at least enjoy what you are doing.  Details are important, but not the most important thing.  Simple is almost always better, less is usually more.

40.  One word or sentence to describe how you feel about 2011: Grown-up.

Down the Rabbit Hole

I just finished watching the movie Rabbit Hole.  While it is after 2:00am, and I'm sleepy and red-eyed from crying, I had some thoughts that I wanted to get down.


A summary, if you will.
If you don't know the story, here's a quick run down.  (By the way, Rabbit Hole is a fantastic play by David Lindsay-Abaire, which was later made into a movie staring Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart.)  

Howie and Becca are married and have a son, Danny.  Danny happens to chase his dog, who is chasing a ball, into the street when Becca isn't looking and is hit by a car.  That car is driven by a teenage boy named Jason who, in swerving to miss the dog, hits Danny instead and kills him.  

That's the past.  The play, and the movie, are based on what is happening 8 months later.  Becca is trying to donate all evidence of Danny's prior existence to Goodwill, while Howie sits up late at night watching home videos of the three of them over and over and over again.  They clearly are trying to cope in completely separate ways.  They haven't had sex since Danny died.  They've fallen into a co-existence that is so fragile and tense, it could snap at any moment.  Becca seeks out Jason, the boy who was driving the car that hit her son.  Over time they develop a simple friendship that helps them begin to accept the events that took place.  The result is an intimate look at how grief changes people, but specifically how the death of a child affects the parents.  More importantly, on a broader spectrum, the story is about how you choose to play the cards you're dealt.

"Somewhere out there I'm happy."
One of the conversations Jason and Becca have is about alternate universes.  The idea that there are multiple versions of you in different universes at the same time, living out different lives.  Becca's response is, "So we are just the sad version of ourselves . . . . Somewhere out there I'm happy."

Lately, I've become really interested in "gut reactions."  I think I've learned how to stay in control, how to keep calm, and how to maintain face so often, that when I have a strong gut reaction to something, it really makes me pay attention.  A couple of weeks ago at work, in the store, a woman I was waiting on clapped at me from across the store and shouted "I'm in a hurry! I need to go!"  Apparently, I wasn't moving swiftly enough for her liking.  I sort of glared at her, but didn't really bat an eyelash.  Several employees came up to me afterwards and said, "How did you act like that was nothing?  I think I would have cried."

When that line of the movie was spoken, I immediately had this moment where I held my breath and thought: "I hope that's not how I'm living my life."  

I HOPE THAT'S NOT HOW I'M LIVING MY LIFE.

Am I just the sad version of myself, of what I could be?
I don't ask this to be depressing.  I don't plan to dwell on it indefinitely - I know where that sort of thing can lead.  But I do think it should lead to acknowledging that we have all been given one - ONE - opportunity here to play our cards.  It's too easy to find a routine and fall into it, only to be shaken awake 20 or 30 years later realizing you never took any risks, and you're not all together happy.  

I don't want that to be me.

Tomorrow is a New Day

Oh the things that winter brings...  isn't it IRONIC that my favorite time of year is also usually the time of year filled with the most drama?  Or is it just that the bleak backdrop seems to enhance emotions, draw up memories, and exaggerate our responses to everything?

This is my favorite time of year, despite the drama.  And it isn't wholly due to the Holidays, although I do enjoy the gatherings and the food, and occasional merriment (in my family it is hit and miss).  I suppose my melancholy and theatrical side is fueled by how easily you can romanticize anything when it's cold outside.  Oh, if only Texas got snow... then my imagination would be in real Heaven.

For example, here I am in my pajamas, sipping Sprite on the sofa, under a soft blanket with my pup, and I'm just happy to be alive.  I spent roughly 5 hours yesterday pouring the insides of my stomach out to the porcelain god, thanks to some stomach flu.  And that was on top of the seasonal cold or influenza that I had contracted just days before.  The last four days of my life have been somewhat miserable.  Yesterday.... oh, yesterday.... I wanted to die.  I love that about stomach flu -- you go through so many ridiculous emotions in a matter of minutes.  Complete pain and suffering (which at the time you think couldn't be worse), trying to stay strong, giving in to the demand, humbled by your lack of control over yourself, temporarily filled with utter relief, and then your poor body goes through the whole damn thing again in less than 30 minutes.  Then as soon as it's over you feel so entirely better, like a brand new baby, a cleansed sinner...It seems almost miraculous.  I just wanted to jump up and clean the whole house.

I also appreciate this time, because I feel like I wait for it for 9 months or so.  I get about three months in to a new year and I'm ready for a do-over.  That's probably because I'm a tad OCD and if things aren't going perfectly, I want to start again.  Three months into 2011 I had just been married.  While I was happy to be married.... well, no.... I take that back... I didn't want a do-over in that case.  I was just relieved it was over.  However, the previous two and a half months could have gone better.  Yep, I wanted those back.  But I digress.... I love not only the holidays, but the New Year.  I like a fresh start.  Of course, it's only symbolic, but that's why we celebrate these things....we need some marker to remind us all that the other side of whatever it is we're going through or experiencing has the potential to be so much better.

And I suppose that's my point.  Sometimes it's a 24 hour thing... sometimes it's 3-4 months...but you can always have a fresh start.  As Anne of Green Gables once said, "isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

Hopefully my tomorrow includes solid foods.