With the arrival of the rain this morning, so came the negativity.
You how people joke about waking up with a cloud over their heads? This morning, that was both literally and figuratively my situation.
In Austin, rain is celebrated. We worship moisture, we cheer for thunder, we drink to lightening. (Well, everyone except little old Oscar who hides under the covers.) This morning, even the rain seemed ugly. I wanted it to go away. No, this was a day that I was just going to be negative. I was going to be unhappy about every single thing. It was pre-determined.
It took effort to put clothes on. I skipped the makeup because, why even try? I didn't even want to go do the "fun" thing I had planned - eat lunch with a friend. Ugh, it was so annoying I had to actually drive somewhere and make conversation. I was irritated with our waitress who spilled my cafe mocha and then didn't wipe up the cup. How dare she? It was cold in the restaurant. The ladies sitting next to us were talking so loudly. How were we supposed to hear ourselves think? I vented about my house being dirty, and having to clean it. I complained about how frustrating marriage is, and how it should be entirely rewarding. Then, after railing at my friend, I was pissed my coffee got cold while I talked. Surely, my coffee getting cold was someone's fault. Who could I blame?
It continued when I got home: I had to start dinner. Blech. It was still wet outside, so Oscar wouldn't go for a walk. Fine! I wanted to shout at him. I didn't want to go for a walk anyway! I made up the beds (yes, plural since Oscar always unmakes the guest bed). I'm so damn sick of making up beds. My life is so unglamorous. I washed the dishes. I HATE WASHING THE DISHES. I thought about all the things I hate about this house and that I wish were different. I chopped vegetables. I hate chopping onions. My eyes stung. I vacuumed, which made my back hurt. I started a load of laundry. And then another load. I mopped, and cursed the ugly vinyl tiles. I lit some candles. Stupid candles. They don't even smell up the house! What a waste of money. Nothing good was on TV. I just wanted to take a nap.
On and on and on.
Do I feel better now, you might wonder? A little. Thank you for understanding: this day is just one day. This negativity will pass. This rain cloud will storm a little - or a lot - and then it will pitter out and dry up.