Wednesday, February 6, 2013

White Legs + White Russians

Ah, first week of February and today I wore shorts.

I've been holding out on surrendering my sweats and skinny jeans, but today I just couldn't any longer. I was vacuuming (which now I do every other day because, thanks to our ridiculous "winter" weather, Oscar has already started his summer shed), and sweating, and running the A/C. So when I actually had to go outside and walk said shedder, I knew it was time. Time to bare the freak show that is currently my pasty white legs. I felt naked.

This was similar to how I felt last night when I attended the Bliss Bridal Magazine 2013 cover launch (it sounds swankier than it really was), and my pal spilled her White Russian right into the lap of my filmy peach dress. Which then soaked right on through to my lady parts. Cold. By the time we left my thighs were sticking together - well, more so than usual - and I looked like I'd had, um, a preeeetty nasty "accident." On the front AND the back of my dress. Oh, did you think White Russians were white? Wrong! They are a very poopy shade of brown that dries a diarrhea shade of brown, at least on filmy peach garments.

Fortunately (hmmm, that is debatable), lots of people saw it happen, as it was right as the magazine cover reveal was about to happen, so I don't think anyone actually suspected me of not making it to the bathroom in time. My ever-prepared and solution-oriented friend, the very same who spilled, whipped out a tampon, fluffed it up, and began wiping me down. "Look! It's absorbant!" she cried with glee. We were all lucky I had both a sense of humor and a couple of cocktails in me.

White legs and White Russians is a lot of white in my life, for less than 24 hours.

And that (⬆) is how I feel about that.
"Com'on, Maaaan."

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